Courtesy of yahoosports and created by oldtimefamilybaseball (the biggest Pirates fan on tumblr…now with evidence):
- Reference to 20-year losing streak.
- TBS advertisement for something that’s “Very Funny.”
- Discussion of Andrew McCutchen's MVP merits.
- Gerrit Cole is referred to as “Cole 45.”
- Crowd shots of Primanti Bros sandwiches.
- Close-ups of Justin Morneau’s mustache.
- Pirates player makes the Zoltan.
- Pirates score a run or a pitcher successfully lays down a sacrifice bunt.
- Reds batter strikes out.
- Mention of Liriano’s home ERA (1.47) compared to his road ERA (4.33).
A Hearty Gulp
- Crowd shots of the beer vendor with the great mustache and ’70s uniform.
- AJ Burnett’s love of Batman is mentioned.
- Gerrit Cole is referred to as “Cole Train.”
- Any footage of Roberto Clemente, Willie Stargell, Kent Tekulve, or Andy Van Slyke.
- Discussion of Andrew McCutchen’s MVP merits using advanced statistics.
- Francisco Liriano exudes some semblance of effort when up to bat.
- Any mention of Dave Littlefield or Cam Bonifay.
- Pirates’ bullpen is called the Shark Tank.
- Discussion of Francisco Liriano’s increased slider usage.
- Marlon Byrd once again comes up with a big hit to drive in a run.
- Neil Walker’s hometown affiliation with Pittsburgh is mentioned.
- On-screen graphic comparing Pirates’ payroll to rest of the league.
Finish Your Drink
- Pedro Alvarez swings and misses on a slider low and away and then crushes a home run on the next pitch.
- Gerrit Cole is referred to as “Cole Slaw.”
- Anyone talks about how many runs Russell Martin contributed solely by his behind the plate defense and pitch framing.
- If Jack Wilson is helicoptered in for the start of the game.
- The Sid Bream slide is shown (you’ll need it).
- Clint Hurdle is applauded for embracing defensive shifts.
- Francisco Liriano gets a hit.
- Discussion of Pirates’ minor-league development program and top prospects.
Spin Around In a Circle, Raise Your Arms Above Your Head, Cheer Wildly, and Buy a Round for Everyone
- Pirates hit a grand slam.
- Starling Marte steals three bases.
- Andrew McCutchen robs a home run.
- Vin Mazzaro, Tony Watson, Mark Melancon, or Jason Grilli enter a game with runners on base and, like they did all season, keep the Reds from scoring.
- Clint Barmes enters as a defensive replacement and makes a game-saving, highlight-worthy catch.
Wrap Your Arms Around a Loved One and Cry Deep, Beautiful Tears
- The Pirates win.